nice day.

the one about a tangled mass of feelings

i am usually happy. not today. esp not a few moments ago.

it's that feeling again. i so haven't felt in a long long while. well, i wouldn't have liked saying that. this time it's stronger i suppose.

forgive me but I don' think i'm going to make much sense to most of you reading. which i suppose is less than 10. being stuck here on a sunday morning with no one in particular to tlak to and to share your feelings is really feeling like poo.

I noe this stupid post is emo n can be found on a regular blog out there go google it or sth. but I don liek to keep this bottled up so i just put in on this blog.

i like you. can't u see. i don know how you feel. blah. it sucks. its' freaking tiring. status quo is harmless. and anything more may be disastrous to the friendship. its confusing if i should do or say anything more.

sth waiting for your replies cna be killing. wondering how you would feel or take it at the end of the line. it really sucks.

i don knoe how you feel about me. that sucks too. and i 'm not sure if feeling the way i do now and feeling more and more will do me any good. or if you feel status quo all d way, and i'm just falling into this spiralling web of like.

guess i'm just this loser hoping for too mcuh.

you are so preoccupied with ur life i feel quite bad interrupting it so often. ur life's good. it's packed and fufilling. not like me. nothing much to my name. just slacking away in a certain part of this land reading, eating and sleeping. i've never accomplished much in m life. and sth i feel that i'm chasing something impossible to reach.

and i saw something just now that i'm not sure if i'm ever supposed to feel sad about it. cos' i simply might be thinking too much again. that imagination. and fuck, it's coimng from the computer screen, dude. its a blog fer goodness sake.

who am i to you. i'm jus the regular guy fren perhaps. nothing. argh. someone hoping for too much. yet nothin to prove.

ignorance kills. cos the truth behind how exactly you think is really biting me on the flesh. hard. it sends me into this messy myraid of freaking shapes and colours. confusing. abeit a faulty kaleidoscope. fuck that anyway.

yes. jealousy. i. suppose. but yet again ignorance blinds me. how am suposed to know if how i feel is actually justified. or whether i'm feeling like that cos of the situation i'm making up in my very mind. ignorance.

my mind is quite blank now. so messy that it's as good as empty. i'm trying to type it all off but i'm just failing. it's cool. at least i got some of it off my mind. but there's still this ball of messy feelings inside me that i could feel probing at the center of my chest. and the blank mind is seemingly suppresing it. so i can't put it in order. and process em slowly in my mind. it's just. a blurry tangled mass.

deep down. i guess im just a regular guy fren. right? i wouldn't noe. if i don ask. and i'm afraid to do so.

no one to share it with. so i share it with my blog. maybe it could get to someone. but probably she wouldn't think much of it anyway.

am not trying to pass on any stupid hidden message or what. i'm just venting it all out in words because there's no one to hear me. and even it is. it's so so difficult to put it. it seems long-winded this stuff. but it's barely 30% of how i feel. the rest i don't know how to express.

like the way i say it on my blog. at least it gave me some form of expression. flat black words on a flat screen. no doubt. but it helps.

good old blog.

i love you.

posted by weihao @ 10:42 AM