the one about a simple short story
Before reading this entry, it is highly advisable to catch the original version of this entry, done by Le Raine. You can view it here.Then Fanny rewrote it from the female's point of view and you can view it here.
You see, both versions are hilarious and I find this a cute little story to develop upon. Unfortunately, since the roles of the male and female protaganists of this short story have already been taken, I'll just have to resort to being the car. Here's it, I hope I can pull this thing off.
The Exploit(s) of A Regular Casanova
That silly bugger stepped viciously on my rusty pedals again. Letting out a rusty call of protest, I reluctantly stepped up into 3rd gear. What the fuck? Who would drive a manual car these days? I would be better off rusting in a scrap yard damn it.
Yet I was luckily picked up by this sorry ass just a month back at a 2nd hand car shop, rescued from the brink of being transformed into a heap of steel and rubber. 2000 bucks, that was all he could afford.
"Fanny is the man. You can do it, Fanny!", the junk bag muttered in a barely audible tone, casting quick shifty glances at the side mirror. Hair check. Powder on. Eye liner there. He was ready to kick some serious butt tonight. You see, my owner Fanny, made a vow on his 16th birthday that he was going to get laid in 31 days or he would forever remain un-laid for the rest of his life.
In the past month, I had brought him over Singapore and to some parts of JB, including several deserted spots in Woodlands area and the foot of Bukit Timah Hill. Most of the time, the girls CMI, but they still ran away after a simple hello, some did not even bother. Other times, guys turned up.
I had always wanted to tell him that hitting on girls on the irc may not be such a good idea afterall. It was saddening, for all I could tell him was 'clunk!'. Today was the 31st day. I fixated my gaze on him. Beads of sweat ran furiously down his pimply cheeks, one drop got trapped by his thick right brow and got stuck. His wax wasn't holding up no more.
I tried to shift my stare from this sorry sight but couldn't. He was afterall, my owner. Was it all worth it? All these trouble because of a stupid vow and a bag of potato chips from his friend.
He wasn't in the best of moods, so was I. Being spray-painted pink was bad enough, and I still have to put up with the giant 'F' sticker on my front. This was, as I heard him boasting to the car mechanic the other day, the best way to attract attention from hot chicks. None. All I got was ah bengs twisting my wipers and spraying the word 'gay' over the bonnet.
Tonight was worse. I had used condoms scattered on the back seat, below the driver seat and next to the steering wheel. But no, he's still very much the 16 year old virgin that he is, and he ought to know that wanking into condoms and throwing them around the interior isn't really going to alleviate him to 'sex god' status. And right now as I am pulling up in front of this really spanky mansion, I can still feel the sides of that purple thong tickling the edges of my rear window.
He stumbled out of me and headed to the main door. Well, his rear view does look slimmer than his front. That waiter's tux does look good on him too, but I wonder if that poor soul has regained conciousness yet. Being socked in the right eye in the middle of a dark alley behind Mustapha cafe isn't all that fun. Let's hope he's doing alright.
I vaguely see him knock at the door, take a few steps back and start adjusting his hair again. The dim glow from the street lamp illuminated his oily face into a somewhat radiant glow. The door swung open.
The girl was tall and lanky. Long black hair with golden streaks fell from her head. Probably another dumb blonde in disguise. She glanced at a rectangular piece of paper in her hand, then at Fanny and down at the paper again. The look on her face wasn't all that good.
Still, she accepted Fanny's gift hamper and Fanny led her towards me. Afterall, who could resist a free dinner at McDonald's, as Fanny had so dutifully brought every willing date to.
As both clamoured in, I see the girl toss a printed photo of Orlando Bloom on to the back seat, together with a pile of crumpled McDonald's and KFC coupons. What a good pair they would make, I thought to myself.
Ah! Finally finished. The ending is like, left hanging so you readers can go imagine for yourself. (Ok, I'm too tired to finish it) First attempt at a short story, and a tedious one that is. Damn, I feel good. And of course I would like to thank Le Raine and Fanny for the inspiration. Feel free to leave comments and such. Yeah.
posted by weihao @ 11:11 PM
7 Comments:
I think you mean, as both clambered in.. Heh.
oh no. thanks for pointing out the error. would you believe me if i said i did that on purpose? :)
erm, which error?
ouch, that hurt. you mean you spot more errors?
link you i will.
i knew it.
fanny wanks into condoms.
nice story! but what happened to the girl being a guy thing?
hey guys! In the story, i attempted to concentrate more on the thoughts of the car itself, like how the story developed to the doorstep of the house. So I left out details like sexuality of the girl and Fanny being a transvestite in real life blah. :)
Hah. prolly left out other details as well. but hope you guys liked it anyway.
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