nice day.

the one about really shitty movies

I went to town today and spent about 40 bucks. Of which half was for the new Bon Jovi CD, a quarter for my mum's birthday present while the remaining 8 bucks I threw down the drain.

Yep, I spent the 8 bucks on a festering piece of box office crap they call 'The Cave'. In my life, I've watched 2 movies which were ultimate disasters. 'The cave' is one of them, the other one is 'Bean: The Ultimate Disaster Movie'. The entire plot is like the title of the movie, hollow and idiotically simple. It's so simple I can sum it up in one sentence: A cave is discovered underground and people are sent to explore it.

Story development is thin and the entire show merely revolves around people getting trapped, attacked and then eaten. One by one, the cast gets eliminated, just like how all those doods are voted out on Survivor, just that Survivor has more bitching that's all. Anyway, 92 percent of the 1.5 hour show takes place in a massive underground cave, so everything is freaking dark. Howard brought his torch light but was told by the theatre staff that he couldn't use it. Plus, the cast had their own torches already. Didn't help as the show was already dull enough.

Oh yah. The cast is made up of F-listers that I haven't even seen before. I'm not sure about the exact amount, but I think these peeps are paid about 60 cents an hour. I mean, which mentally sound director would cast an A-lister in career-ruining garbage like this? I figure he's probably out for a quick buck to top up his coffee money. Ok..probably the only face I recognise is Daniel Dae-Kim from 'Lost', which is a rather pleasant surprise since he actually speaks english in the show. Nothing much to expect though, he's an Asian in a Hollywood film. And people like them don't have much of a script and don't last till the end of the show. It's like..duh. Hollywood leh, what were you expecting. The only saving grace was that he wasn't the first to go and he perished rather spectacularly(drew the loudest eeees from the audience). Surprisingly, the black guy didn't die. Yayy..

Action looked promising at first. But everything else seemed the same after the 1st monster attack. Monsters looked like they were recycled from Resident Evil. Ok, maybe it was thrilling and such, but after a while, I felt kind of irritated. I think it was partly due to the extremely dull setting and INYOURFACE violence and gore.

Ending again, like all shitty movies, was too abrupt. The story had so much freaking potential to be developed further..I mean couldn't the director have extended it by half and hour and actually make it more complete? Afterall, it's just 1.5 hours long. The show seemed to have ended when they escaped, and then there was a hint at further plot development, and then I was really excited, and then it really ended. Whatever. Oh yah, and the ending song sucked to high heavens. Couldn't even consider it a song. It was rhythmic disaster.

Recommended for:
People who like dark movies with thin storylines, F-listers, lots of blood and senseless man vs monster violence. Eg: stupid emo-goth wannabes.

Don't watch if:
You have money issues, a weak heart, a bad temper, a mentally sound mind and a packed schedule. People who can't take nonsense should avoid it at all costs.

Overall rating: 4/10
You should just watch this.

Learn more about this festering atrocity here.

posted by weihao @ 11:02 PM