nice day.

the one about some army thoughts

Something happened on Friday that changed a great deal of things in camp. For the worse. A thing of surprise, something that undermined trust, integrity and raised all sorts of standards and questions.

Elaboration isn't really necessary here and it just made me question my own integrity and worth.

And yes, I hate speaking to my relatives sometimes. Just today, the first thing they saw me was to ask about my army life. First they ask me what camp I am at, then ask me my rank or why the hell am 'so not-tanned'. Am I a admin clerk, they ask awkwardly.

Then I tell them am not a sergeant or an officer and they give me one face. Then I tell them I'm an mp then they start going on and on about how fucking slack it is. Thank you don't need to remind me your welcome.

Ok. I admit at the point of my BMT, I wasn't up to standard to make it to OCS or SISPEC.

Oh my god, all that honour and prestige I missed out on. The Ouch! Help! training I could have endured to get a bar printed on my shoulder so I can go around with my remaining year in NS walking around coolly, knowing everyone will look at me and go, "Wow, he's been through 9 months of hell. We will respect him."

Then Mr 2LT will go around with the "I'm the elite, respect me" attitude and that face every father mother son would love to stick his size 10 into. That's right, 1 bar, I have 1 V and a semi-circle and proud of it. I am a corporal and a military police man and I live with it. Loving it.

Yes, a tinge of sour grapeness exists. But I won't regret that I never made it there. And I'm not against OCS or SISPEC or what shit. But I just hate it when people think that getting your ass knocked in out right left center up down for 9 months or so means everything. And the simple assumption most people have that not making it to command school just simply means you can only take orders and you are not elite.

I'll never forget how before, during and after my BMT, people ask me if I'm trying hard to go command school or if I got in. One particular sms I received after I passed out was cute and simple. It stated that 3 letters, OCS, a question mark and a smiley. I sent back.

'No. Military Police. :)'

I think it was in the middle of a movie.

Looking back, I can't imagine myself as an officer right now. Because simply, it doesn't seem to be me. It's just strange. You don't understand. I'm not rationalising, but I'm quite comfortable with where I am now.

I pity all those people who think being in command school is everything and it's the measure of how man you are. Cos simply, it's not. At least that's not how I measure myself as a person.

I don't see how black bars on your shoulders will give you more depth than someone who has just seashells on his arms. And I hope people around me realise that too.

Gosh I can't believe I'm actually talking about this even after 10 months in the army.

posted by weihao @ 9:41 PM